Random hints for first time homeowners (like me)

Lawnmowers:

• When changing blades, be sure to:
1. Turn off the valve in the fuel line between the gas tank and engine.
   
2. Tip the lawnmower so the carburetor/air filter is facing up.

• If you do not do the above, the following will happen to your lawnmower:
  
1. It will leak gas all over the place and leave a dead spot in your lawn.
   
2. It will probably not start, regardless of how bad your hernia is from pulling the cord.
3. If it does seem to start, it will likely belch sooty fumes and vibrate terribly before dying.
   
4. It's air filter has become a Molotov cocktail waiting to be lit. You will need to replace what was a perfectly good air filter with one that is not saturated with gasoline.
   

• When re-attaching the sharpened blades:
1. See the bullets above.
2. Do not just hand-tighten the bolts that attach the blades to the mower.

Making fresh salsa:

1. The ratio of tomatoes to onions is not 1 to 1 or even 2 to 1. Try at LEAST 4 to 1.
2. Habanero peppers are perhaps the hottest substance known to man. Handle them only if you have sinus congestion or wish to cause serious leaking from your mucus membranes.
   

Gardening:

1. One zucchini plant it plenty.
2. One cilantro plant is plenty.
   
3. Tomato cages are stupid.