Battle Enjoined

Go ahead and google "enjoin", you know you want to.

Sorry it's been so long. I recently traveled to California with my dad, who said, "You need to write a blog.  But not about taxes.  I'm tired of those."  It was then I realized that my last three posts were about taxes.  My opinion on the matter hasn't changed, but I realize that you all don't care.

So here's something new and interesting.  My house is under siege from wasps.  (Well, probably they're wasps.  I honestly don't know.  I haven't gotten close enough to ID them.)  On the corner of my house they've been trying to build a little paper nest thingy.  I first noticed them when I got back from said California trip.  Right there, under the corner of the house by the garage, where I keep my garbage cans. 

In contrast to my tax policies, I'm very lassez-faire when it comes to insects.  They can do what they want, as long as they do it outside and don't eat my food.  Stay outside, and I generally will not stomp, spray, swat or otherwise harass you.  (My policy for home teachers and solicitors also.)  These bugs, however, are intent on breaking the peace.  My first day back, I go to throw something away.  Right as I lift the lid, I notice the nest and a few dark specks dart towards me.  I immediately run backwards and do that crazy arm waving jig characteristic of suburban white guys and Justin Bieber fans. 

The sight of this flailing white monster must have frightened them, since one dove right in and stung me right on the arch of my eyebrow.  It immediately swelled and got stiff.  Fortunately, I have pretty bushy, almost Muppet-like eyebrows, so instead of having to explain a big red zit looking thing, I just walked around looking very perplexed for about a day.

It was that sting ended the peace.  I broke out my reserve of spray, doused the monsters from a good 10 feet, and watched with a certain grim glee as they perished.  I also went inside to research wasp killing techniques.  These mostly consisted of people using lighters and hairspray to flambe' the insects.  But, as much as I would have enjoyed making wasps foster, I also didn't want to burn down my house.  So, I left the spray to do it's work.  Kill the nest, and the wasps will flee, right?

The next day, though, the wasps were back.  This time it became apparent they were climbing under the siding -- doing who knows what under the skin of my house in a clear violation of our accord.  So, more spray.  And then a different spray.  And then a powder.   And then a high pressure water/soap spray.  It's been a few weeks, and the body count is steadily rising, but they don't seem to be giving up.  And, I have to do battle at night, since they're disturbingly active during the day.

Internet research hasn't been that helpful.  All it's really led me to the Japanese wasp, which is something like 3 inches long and attacks beehives.  EEK!  The only thing I really have going for me is that eventually it's going to freeze and they're going to turn into wasp-cicles.

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