Nothing is certain but

I've been doing taxes for a little over a decade now. In doing so, I'm always torn between my desire to be frugal (cheap) and a fear of the IRS. When my taxes were uncomplicated (i.e., I had one part time job and was my parents dependent), I could handle a 1040EZ myself and even filed over the phone for a few years. But since I've moved out on my own, gotten a real job, and bought a house, I began to seriously doubt my ability get all the details right, and yet I also balked at the thought of paying someone a hundred bucks to do it for me, since it didn't seem quite that complicated.

The result? I have filed my taxes online for the last several years. Online, I think you get the best mix of low-cost, ease of use, and accuracy. (This year, I filed my Federal and state taxes online $25 dollars in about two hours.) What's more, you get your tax return in less than 2 weeks, and the web-site you use to file your taxes will retain your records from year to year, greatly simplifying next year's return.

I'm not going to tell you which site I use, since I don't want this to be a big ad, but I will say it is one of the top two or three tax preparers in the country. I have been quite pleased, and I would imagine that the other top companies have websites that are just as easy to use.

A few other tax time tips:

• File for free! If your adjusted gross income is less than 54,000 dollars, then you are entitled to file over the internet for FREE! Check out the IRS website for details: http://www.irs.gov/efile/article/0,,id=118986,00.html.
• If you file in Utah and don't itemize, there is NO NEED to pay extra money to e-file your state tax return. Utah already has a very easy to use website at https://secure.utah.gov/taxexpress/taxexpressweb. All you have to do is take 2 numbers from your federal tax return, fill them in on the Utah Tax website, and then you can easily file your taxes and get your return electronically deposited in just a few days.
  
• Despite what you may think, you DO NOT want a huge tax return in April. If you have a huge tax return, that means that your company has been withholding a lot more of your earnings than are needed. This frequently happens to those that make large charitable contributions (like Church members) or first time home buyers (mortgage interest is a deduction) . The way to reduce your withholding is to file a new W-4 with your employer. The IRS has a convenient calculator that you can use to fill out a W-4 that will safely allow you to minimize your federal tax withholding. The calculator takes into account charitable contributions you plan on making, interest you'll pay on your house, 401k contributions, how much you're going to earn for the rest of the year, and how much in taxes you've already paid.
  
• Know when to use a professional. If you own your own business, have lots of deductible expenses, inherited a large amount of money, or do a lot of investing, taxes can get very complicated very fast, and a professional is most certainly worth the money. My parents filed their own taxes for years, and the very first year they went to an accountant, they saved several thousand dollars; not just for the current year, but for previous years as well.
  
• Plan for future taxes. Your tax liability will always be changing, but you can make decisions now to reduce your tax liability in the future. For example, if you're single with a high paying job, then you might consider contributing heavily to pre-tax retirement accounts, or buying a home instead of renting -- as these will effectively reduce your taxable income.
  

I suppose I should close this post with the obligatory quote about death and taxes, but I'll refrain.

Another hint...

I walked downstairs last night and immediately noticed a pungent, musky odor. It was something like cologne mingled with air freshener and rotting fruit. Just as I opened my mouth to accuse my roommate, he said, "Can you smell that skunk?"

My eyes widened, I lost my accusatory look, I said sheepishly, "Oh ... I think I know what that is."

The night before I nearly ran over a skunk. On my way home from work in the late evening, this furry thing scurried across the road, and I laid on the brakes. The violent deceleration pitched me forward enough that I could see the telltale white stripe of a skunk as it disappeared under the far right side of my hood. I waited for the terrible thunk that was sure to follow. But, there was no thunk. By this time, I had slowed to about 10 miles an hour, and that's when I figure he exacted his revenge over the right side of my Accord.

Oddly enough, I can't really smell it inside the cabin of the car, but when I parked the car inside a sweltering and humid garage, the odor came alive and invaded the basement.

Note to self: if you hit a skunk, or almost hit a skunk, don't park in the garage.

SM seeks SF for clothes shopping

When I was small child, my clothing refused to match. And try as she might, my mother was unable to get me to wear anything that might remotely coordinate. Apparently, I was a quiet but stubborn child. I must have been a formidable 4 year old.

Rather than have daily battles over clothing, my mom came up with a unique solution: buy me all blue clothing. My wardrobe is still remarkably blue.

I don't blame her for it, because as an adult, when I actually WANT to match, I still don't match that well. I don't know how many times I'll visit the homestead, or a female member of the family will be visiting, and I'll hear (along with the sound of a suppressed laugh): "You know that doesn't match, don't you?" I heard this most recently when I was wearing some green camo cargo shorts and an light orange shirt. (Before you cringe, let me defend myself by saying that it was Saturday.)

Fine, I'll admit it, I'm totally clothing impaired. Add to that my general loathing of shopping, and you'd think that I wander around dressed like a John Cusack in "Better Off Dead" or a cast member from "Revenge of the Nerds". Fortunately, those same women who point out that I don't match also come to my rescue. For the last few years, clothing is the only gift for which I've asked, and they're king enough to oblige. It's not that I lack the means to shop, but I certainly lack the skill -- the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak, if you will. And though I know they're sick of trying to find things that match taste while being reasonably hip, my sisters and mom have been diligent in keep my wardrobe updated. They're also try not to act too surprised when I happen to by something moderately fashionable on my own.

So, props to all those women everywhere that make sure the shoes match the belt, that white socks are never worn with slacks, and that Weezer t-shirts are only worn while mowing the lawn. I hope that whoever I marry is ready for this obligation.

Random hints for first time homeowners (like me)

Lawnmowers:

• When changing blades, be sure to:
1. Turn off the valve in the fuel line between the gas tank and engine.
   
2. Tip the lawnmower so the carburetor/air filter is facing up.

• If you do not do the above, the following will happen to your lawnmower:
  
1. It will leak gas all over the place and leave a dead spot in your lawn.
   
2. It will probably not start, regardless of how bad your hernia is from pulling the cord.
3. If it does seem to start, it will likely belch sooty fumes and vibrate terribly before dying.
   
4. It's air filter has become a Molotov cocktail waiting to be lit. You will need to replace what was a perfectly good air filter with one that is not saturated with gasoline.
   

• When re-attaching the sharpened blades:
1. See the bullets above.
2. Do not just hand-tighten the bolts that attach the blades to the mower.

Making fresh salsa:

1. The ratio of tomatoes to onions is not 1 to 1 or even 2 to 1. Try at LEAST 4 to 1.
2. Habanero peppers are perhaps the hottest substance known to man. Handle them only if you have sinus congestion or wish to cause serious leaking from your mucus membranes.
   

Gardening:

1. One zucchini plant it plenty.
2. One cilantro plant is plenty.
   
3. Tomato cages are stupid.
   

Stopping identity theft and credit card fraud...

I just watched a CNN special on "How to Rob a Bank." It mostly dealt with how individuals stole from banks using various forms of identity theft. Now, I'm not paranoid about such things, but it seems that one of the more common ways to be victimized is to have credit cards opened up in one's name by others. It also appears that the most common way that this happens is through those credit card applications received in the mail (how many do you get a week? Maybe one a day?). Clearly, such credit card offers should be shredded or torn up immediately, but there are still a number of ways that they might fall into the wrong hands.

The best way to avoid this problem altogether is to prevent companies from sending you credit card applications in the first place. The way that the companies get your information is through the three credit reporting bureaus, and fortunately, those bureaus must listen if you tell them not to give out your name. There are two different ways to do this: online or by phone. You can call 1–888-567-8688 or visit https://www.optoutprescreen.com. You have two options for opting out of credit offers -- if you do it online or over the phone only, you're off the list for 5 years, and when the mail starts to come again, you'll have to opt out once more. Or, if you fill out a form and mail it in, you can opt out for life. Note that opting out does require giving them your social security number, so before you do, make absolutely sure you're at the right website. If you have doubts, call the number.

It's a wonderful thing! I did it about 6 months ago, and I've not received a single credit card offer in the mail.

One thing to note is this will not stop mail from companies with which you are already affiliated. They may still send you offers or sell your information to other firms that do. Most commonly, these will be things like your bank and insurer. So, be sure to check the privacy policy for these organizations and be sure to tell them that they MAY NOT share they're information with their affiliates. If you do this, your junk mail will be greatly, greatly reduced as will your exposure to identity theft.