2008-01-26

The Single Male and His Girl "Friends"


In this post, I want to give any female readers out there a little insight into the male mind: As a general rule (and it makes me sad to say it) guys do not have “girl” friends. There is almost always some ulterior motive to friend-like behaviors exhibited by a single male.

Itemized and numbered according to frequency of occurrence, these motives are:

  1. He wants to date you.
  2. He wants to date your roommate, friend, or sister.
  3. He wants you to help him find people to date.
  4. He won’t ever want to date you seriously, but knows you’ll make a good backup date and help him understand the girls that he does date.

You may think I’m oversimplifying, but men really are simple creatures. The next question becomes, why are men this way? Well, to put it simply, girls make complicated friends. When two guys are together, they can scratch, grunt, play video games, watch excessive amounts of football, talk very little, and things are great. These activities are rarely sufficient for the fairer sex, not to mention that they really frown on any humor in the “bodily function” genre, which is a staple of typical male to male friendship interaction.

If having a female friend is going to stifle the male’s true nature, there must be some ancillary benefit for him to want to be friends. Most often, this is some form of dating. I figure that men have adopted this passive aggressive tactic because it can significantly reduce the fear of rejection. So, don’t be surprised when your “friend” suddenly starts hitting on you, or seems disconcertingly interested in your new roommate, or simply falls of the face of the earth. All of these seemingly odd behaviors fall neatly under the umbrella of the single male’s inability to simply be friends with a girl.

Okay, so know that we all have another reason to hate my gender, let me say that I’m trying to escape this paradigm. As I’ve grown older, I’ve realized that keeping only male company would lead to my complete social de-evolution. And not surprisingly, keeping female friends seems to be much more suitable training for relationships than perpetually hanging out with the guys. That said, it still takes extraordinary effort for the typical single male to be genuine friends with a female, though I have found it to be quite worthwhile. (But I still reserve the right to ask you out.)